A time for every season...

This time of year is often a celebration, another year of school is over and another year of school to look forward to.  At the same time it is also a time to say goodbye.  These  past few years it has gotten harder and harder to say goodbye to people as when I like someone I like to open my heart to them and as I get older I realize that although we may always have social media we won't have the personal touch and connection of actually seeing each other and sharing stories and emotions.
I often think that schools used to be like an old-time sports team.  Where when a player was drafted they stayed until retirement.  When I started at Mabton there were a number of staff members who had been there for over 30 years.  They were my role models of finding a place and staying there. With getting married I changed jobs, then when Chris got a job in Richland I soon followed him, always thinking that I would love to settle down and grow roots in one place.  HomeLink was the first job that I had that I felt I had to leave.  Not because of one or more things but down deep inside my heart I knew it was time...long overdue time.  Each job was tough for me to leave, I knew I was going to somewhere new but it was going to start me on a new adventure.
Now that I am in a place that I feel I could stay until I retire, the energy that I bring and I get on a daily basis as well as the new job duties and experiences that I look forward to I should feel grounded and my roots should be established BUT today my heart skipped a beat.  The relationships that I have built were done with interactions intertwined with love for another.  You see the situations in the Orchard have been centered on the whole-child, their heart and their minds.  And when the team is all working towards a common goal, it is easy to see someone else's heart and want to be a part of their life too.  It is because of that that my heart is hurting today.  My office mate may be leaving me, my principal is leaving me, students told me that they were moving this summer and it hit me hard today, I don't like change.
I have been pretending all these years, pretending that I am okay with change.  I just am NOT!  I don't want to say goodbye, I don't want you to go, I don't want anything different, I think it is good, no strike that, it is great in the Orchard.  When things change I don't know what to expect.  I don't know if I should still be me or should I alter it to fit the new environment/climate?  You can tell me that nothing will change, things will be the same but I know 100% that is truly not the truth, things have to change, people have changed.  I guess now I just have to figure out what that means to me!
Some things I know won't change, I still will bring energy and love to the Orchard, I will still smile and make each day as great as possible.  I will do my best not to compare one to another, people and schools are different and rightfully so.
For those that I will say goodbye to, please know you have made an impact on my life and I am better because of you.  I will promise that I cyber-stalk you and will be cheering for you!

Modern Day Bullying

I have been mulling this blog for a while, working now at an elementary school I have had the pleasure of seeing education through the eyes of a Pre-Schooler to a Senior in high school!  The one theme that I have seen throughout all grades is the issue of "bullying".  I write this blog with some trepidation as some of you may be coming to this topic as a victim of modern or even old-school bullying and some of you are a parent of a child who has been a target of a bully but please know my heart that this has been something that has been a long time coming in my own thoughts.
First of all my slant of this comes from being a child of the 70's and a teenager of the 80's.  So my lens is from a purely non-technological one!  I have taught in schools since 1994 and have seen the development of bullying in this technological world.  I don't call myself an expert by any means but this is something that I hear about on a daily basis! Okay, here I go.
First of all I think that when many of us hear the word "bully" we think of maybe a huge brawny boy with a ton of muscles ready to dump us in a trashcan at school or gave "swirlees" to littler ones in the school toilets or maybe an attractive girl that is just mean with her words...we all come into this with a preconceived image of what a bully is or even what a bully does.
I shared with a friend of mine the other day that back in the 80's we could run into someone that we didn't like and we could often walk away knowing that no harm could be done to us if we didn't engage.  Even a note written in anger or malice could be torn up, burned or destroyed never to be seen again.  A fist fight at lunch in the park?  Well, after the fight there might be talks in the parking lot or on the phone but again, we could walk away and be done.  We went home to decompress, we could forget about the world and didn't have to worry about what was going on behind our backs as what was the worst thing that was happening?  Maybe someone having a phone call about you but none of us really thought a thing until we had to go to school the next day...and even then we could avoid the bully and although rumors would go around the school you just had to wait until someone else did something then you were yesterday's news!
Today our kids don't have that luxury.  A fight with a friend is often dragged out on twitter, snapchat, Facebook or the like. Text messages that include groups of people are kindling for a cyberbully attack on one or more individuals.  The physical fight that occurred so long ago in the park that we could walk away from with maybe a bruised ego is now filmed and uploaded for all to see.  A bully may even egg you on just to get you on film to show to everyone.
Social media while great to keep in touch and share ideas and photos with is also the tool of today's bully.  A bully is no longer just someone that can hurt you physically, in fact today a bully is more likely to rip the heart and soul out of another with just a picture, a click of a mouse or a post that goes "viral".  Think of these as those notes that are now out for the world to see, a 24 hour news cycle about something you did, something that now everyone knows about and could even be something that you DIDN'T do but was photoshopped or created to make it look like you did.  I mean, if it's on the internet it is true right?
Teaching kids about cyber safety is just the start, parents and any adult that has influence on a child needs to continue to monitor and educate throughout the years.  Teaching about deleting, going off the grid or not accepting everyone's request is just half the battle.  Unfortunately we can not stop children from posting inappropriate and sometimes downright mean things about others but what we can do is continue to create hearts in children that want to do the right thing and want to create love not destroy it. 
I  have heard many people say, "I am so glad my kids didn't grow up in this time period" to which I simply state, "But your grandchildren are or will."  We don't have an easy fix to this, it is a generational change of course, it is a societal ill that needs to be addressed, it is an adult issue that needs to be never given up but addressed and fought everyday.  If we truly care about each other and the future of our kids we need to be diligent, we need to continue to have conversations we need to know that the bully may look different and has now a variety of ways to destroy a person, it is worth it to keep fighting and standing up to those that want to tear our kids down.
For more information go to: https://www.stopbullying.gov/cyberbullying/what-is-it/
For the truth go to your child's room, open the door, sit on the bed and talk with them!
Much love to those who have children that have suffered at the hands of a bully, you are not alone, find someone that can talk with you, help you and your child and build that foundation of safety for you and your child. 

Don't Blame the Kids!

Why blame millennials?

Raising a millennial I may be a bit biased but lately as he is entering his 20s I began to question all these assumptions of his age group. You see one of the insults I often hear is "oh wait there is no participation trophy you have to earn this" but let's look at that for a second...they didn't  ask for trophies WE bought them for all the kids! At the end of every season someone was in charge of ordering the trophies...an adult, a parent yes WE expected a trophy for our kid!! The kids were just playing for fun, I think we wanted the trophy more than they did! I know some of you reading this will say "nope not me I hated the trophies", so then I ask you, "why did you not say anything?" If you are a parent of a millennial you are the reason for this silly "insult" not them!

Another thing I often hear is that they are slackers and don't work hard...and that my friends is technology! I know I don't have to work as hard as my parents and they didn't have to work as hard as theirs! That is progress, just because the world was so closed to me in the 80's and my children can explore the world from their phones doesn't make them lazy it makes them part of their world! Each generation has seen changes and if this millennial generation can figure out a way to change the world for the better I for one will be cheering them on! They have schooling they can do from home, companies can be ran from their living rooms and families can live remotely and yet still stay in touch! 

I may be alone in saying this but I am envious, I see so many living fearless and doing what I dreamed of, seeing the world and changing it, not when I retired but when I was young and wasn't afraid! 

So for so many of us, let's celebrate what the millennial generation will accomplish not mock them for the world we created for them!

I want the Better way...

The American Way?

This trip opened my eyes to what I think I always kind of thought, the American Way is not always the Happiest Way. Let me explain, Chris and I headed out in a cruise to Mexico and along the way met some people that I will remember for a lifetime! One was Juri, our room steward. Another was Issac, our tour guide in Progresso.

Juri met us with a smile that made us feel immediately welcomed. He had to have been tired, he just got rid of passengers only hours before and now was on to us! The room was impeccable and we gave him some money to keep our ice bucket full. Throughout the cruise he did his job always with a smile and called us by name even when he saw us outside of our room! This couldn't have been a pleasant job and I don't think he ever got off the ship (I asked him several times and was always told maybe tomorrow). He told me he was going to be on the ship for six months, he loved the work and then he would be able to see his family. I thought of him and so many of the other workers as this couldn't be an easy job. I for one LOVE to cruise but I began to think, I am the 1% of the world, none of these workers were having the same experience I was and few if any could afford it.

When we docked in Progresso we were met with poverty, in your face poverty, the kind that shakes you from your American wealth.  Issac met us and just looking at him you knew he didn't have much. Worn shoes, shirt and pants that were too big for him but once again that smile! He was kind, informative and out walked all of us Americans! On the way back from the Mayan Ruins where we learned he had been a "conductor " aka tour bus driver/tour guide (he knew as much as any Archeological Professor!) he was 78 and he didn't want to retire! Talked about his years of work, love of his wife and grandkids, no regret in his voice! Talked about the people he had met along his journey and considered himself blessed. He didn't have much but he was happy!

You see Juri and Issac are just two people that once we stop our hurriedness of life we can see that we are doing life wrong! Neither of these men travel for pleasure, neither one has the comforts we take for granted but what they have so few of us have, true joy. In America we compete instead of enjoy, we believe we need more even though we have no true inventory of all we have, we don't cherish one another but find things to keep us busy rather than to keep us bonded. 

I don't know if Juri or Issac would want our way of life, part of me, a large part, is envious that the life they have although they work hard is one that their smiles tell their true happiness is from what they have not what they don't have.

I want to have that joy, that happiness that when someone meets me they see my heart and it warms them, makes them want to spread that feeling...lessons can be learned by those we think have so little and yet they have more than any of us could ever imagine!

The color and cost of Immigration

With all of the immigration hooplah that has been in the news I have been thinking about what is the truth about what it takes to become an "American".  You see, like most Americans who were born here in the USA, I had no idea what it took to become a citizen.  When I taught Government I often would have the students take the US Citizenship test (https://my.uscis.gov/en/prep/test/civics/view) and even at times fill out the Citizenship Application, neither did my students (or myself) think were too much or too complicated.  My students in Mabton would often say that it was the cost that often was the biggest obstacle to becoming a citizen. My friends from across the pond would say it is the paperwork and regulations.  The part that I never knew until I talked with some friends were that you don't go from new immigrant to citizen.  The steps from Visa, Green Card to Citizenship is not a straight shot, no matter how much time I spent with my friend "Google" there wasn't one site I could find that came from an official government site that shows Visa to Citizenship.  There were pages that showed Green Card to Citizenship but even then the number of twists and turns would make an average person's head spin!
For many people wanting to come into our country they must apply for one of the 185 US Visas!! 185 different ones!! CRAZY!! I know and love many an immigrant, some legal some not.  The part that gets me is that I think we all do.  Immigration is not about color or a race.  In this new amazing job of mine I have met a number of British immigrants, they are white, well-educated and happen to be married to Engineers.  Their stories are in some ways similar and in some ways completely unlike any of my friends who are immigrants from Mexico.  They do not experience the social disrespect, discrimination or political backlash that our southern border friends do.  They have jobs that they are given Visas by our government to do specific work and although in talking with them I thought "Wow!  What a huge benefit for them!"  Only to find out that between the pressure of keeping all their documents in proper order is no easy feat.  Also families that came over together and apply together are on a tough deadline that if their children turn 21 before the paperwork goes through, that child is no longer part of the process anymore and they must return to their home country.  And if a woman is married to a man who is the one with the job that got them into America, she must stay married to him or risk getting deported if she does not have her own Green Card!
So much goes into this, not just an application, a fee and a test!  Stories of years of work, taxes paid (with no Social Security), fees for applications and attorneys, fears that something will go wrong and that they will have to go home for family and the door is closed on them here in America.  The people I know that want to be in America are hard working, patriotic to this country and want nothing more than to live the American Dream.  So I will continue to say that the reason I am an American citizen is because "I was shot out of my mother's womb" and that is the truth.  I did nothing, I paid nothing, I risked nothing...it is time to listen to the stories of the people around you, listen to their stories so you will know, truly know, the sacrifices that others go through to become what I at times take for granted, an American.

When the loss is a permanent loss

This weekend we had a most amazing day of lacrosse.  So good to see all the parents and families after so many months but really it seemed like no time had even past! The conversations flowed, the hugs were shared and just seeing the girls back on the field were all things that I look forward to every Spring!  Three games of tough competition, lessons learned and skills that were highlighted that the girls need to work on this week in practice.  Yes, girls took a picture of win #1, win #2 and even win #3, no win would be complete without it. These girls are so bonded and lift each other up. Not many are friends off the field although they text, tweet and snapchat, they are not ones that spend physical time together other than on the field.  This is not unusual of most sports teams but there was an incident that happened after the third game, as the girls met under a popup tent to exchange Secret Sister gifts.  These Secret Sister gifts are a way to have them connect them on a deeper level, a way that they can think of another and give them something to show them that someone else is thinking of them. As I walked over from the scorer's table I saw Chris begin to tell the girls to grab their stuff and head over to the grass...mind you it was a stern "Grab your stuff and move" and the girls did just that, they moved.  Not knowing or truly caring what was happening I picked up some stuff and one of the parents whispered to me that they thought that there was a body in one of the porta-potties.
My heart sunk!  I had seen a note on one of the two porta-potties all day but didn't read it.  I think my mind just thought it was an "Out of Order" sign. Nope, one of the dads said he read it and let another parent know what it said.  Our parents worked together and called 911 and authorities were onsite.
You see, as a School Counselor I look for and I listen for words and signs that a student may be depressed.  These aren't easy to always see and depending on the age may seem like just the stage of life that someone is in.  As a human being I do the same.  I want to see the hurt, I don't want to ignore it, I want to reach out, I want others to know that they are not alone.  And yesterday, a part of me, a piece of my heart wondered when did this happen?  Did it happen before our first game? If I would've read the note the first time I used the other porta-potty could he have been saved?  I don't see myself as a superhero, just someone who wants to see depression eradicated.  The loss of this life, is a loss that will affect many.  The look of the young firefighter who opened the door told me he will never be the same. The faces of our parents who were impacted by the closeness of the tragedy to our own.  
This weekend, although filled with wins and victories as well as the bonding between all of us is also going to be one that few of us will forget.  Most losses are only tallies on a scoreboard but this loss is a permanent one.  One that although I don't know their name or anything else about them, will impact me.  I hope that it will impact me in such a way that I continue to focus on other people's hearts, feelings and faces.  Faces will often tell us the world.  This week, please look up from your phone, your computer, your distraction and look, truly look at those around you.  Look them in the eyes, smile at them and let them know just by your own recognition that they are not alone.

The myth of Fat and Happy

Ok, for some of you I know the word FAT is an insult and when you hear someone say that they are fat you want to take up defense for them.  The truth is the first step in truly having a healthy lifestyle and mindset is admitting that what you are is fat.    The second step is the hardest and most heartbreaking. It is doing something about it.  You see, I am fat.  I am overweight by every known standard given by any health standard.  I am not just fat I am ... dare I say it?  Obese.  But this isn't the worst part, the worst part is that I have chosen not to do anything about it.  I sneak through the drive through of Zips (paying cash of course so it can't be recorded!), I buy Cheetos (the devil's snack) out of the vending machine at work and I refuse to move...yes move, as in exercise.

All of this spells out the continuation of a lifestyle that I know will only lead to early onset of diabetes, joint problems as well as a litany of other health problems!  I live with a man who runs marathons, works out everyday, and yet...yep!  I sit here and Facebook or watch my mindless tv shows.

So this all to say that I suppose for some that living in a world where your butt bursts out of your pants (Hate to admit it but  happened to me this week at work!) and your body bumps all show up in your clothes, they can be Fat and Happy... I am not happy.  Fat, yes.  Happy, no.
This is where the tough part happens.  I must move.  I must do something!

I have a friend who has just by moving lost 60 pounds in one year (Way to go Carol!), a friend who has already logged in 200 running miles since January and has gone down a size in pants (Way to go Penny!) and even my office counterpart has lost 10 pounds by counting calories (you are my hero Terri) but me?  I am going to step out of my comfort zone and join (UGH) yet another gym.  But this time I am not going to do it alone.  My trusty sidekick of a sister also belongs to the gym and together we are going to make some changes.  I have to have someone who calls me one my slothfulness.

You see, when you are fat you are scared.  Lazy to some but really you are scared.  You are scared to try again only to not succeed.  You are scared to walk into a gym and realize how fat you truly are, you are scared to publicly admit that you can't do it on your own.  That is why so many of us don't do anything.  At least at home we are safe...safe from ourselves really.  People at home love us even when we don't love ourselves.  People at the gym aren't passing judgment.  They are there to get better themselves and are often there to say something complimentary to us!  At home we are safe to eat whatever we want and hate ourselves in private.  At the gym, we quickly realize how hard we have to work to sweat out the fat we have just taken in.

Being fat is painful and the pain we cause ourselves can take years to remedy.

Jami was such an example of having fun while working out...she wasn't afraid to run, box and to move.  I want to be that fearless, I want to face the world and say, "I can do it and I am doing it".  I have previously worn her sweatbands while working out and now will make sure I take them to the gym with me as a constant reminder of who I can be.  Fearless and Fantastic!

I am glad I don't have to do this journey alone, if you want company please let me know.  I refuse to compare myself to others, I refuse to look at others and say "what about me?", I was born with short genes but I don't have to stay fat, I can and must do something about it and then continue to do something about it for the rest of my life. Not for today, not for 2017 but for a lifetime of being happy and healthy!