Not a Mother but kind of...

I am not sure how many will understand or want to but today is not a celebration for me. I am blessed everyday with two kids that I was lucky enough to marry into but truth be known I will never be on an equal playing field with their mom and I don't expect to be. 
That's just it, this day as people were celebrating their moms I feel weird about that too. My mom and I are in a real good place now but we have not always been. For years my heart ached as I looked for unconditional love from others...especially from my friend's moms! So now as I hear stories of how people thank their moms for all these life lessons of love, I have very little to offer!

I had the opportunity to be an amazing aunt to so many angels, my friends trusted me with their kids and although I knew they loved me my heart always felt complete. That is until I began to get older and realized that society expects every one of us women to birth a child so we can prove our worth to society. I can't tell you how many times I have been asked why Chris and I never had kids...I now just tell them, he had two and I couldn't have any. I just don't get why that is asked.  Never will.

I guess if tables were turned I would've made a great mom, we will never know but I know this day will always be one that I will experience with trepidation not because of my own situation but because of my heart not knowing what to think or feel about my own motherhood.