1. Why are we so quick to judgment? Lately I have tried to slow my thinking down when someone tells me something. Even the most routine or mundane thing can make me question even Mother Teresa! It isn't fair to them or myself to expect them to think the best of me when I am quick to turn my mind to selfish negativity! Could be that I lack the steel willpower to gird myself against those thoughts that keep me down or it could be my lack of trust in others that they wouldn't hurt me. Whatever it is I decided to address this head on. Truth is I don't like feeling this way I don't like feeling like I am less than or not good enough but really I want to believe the best of others. Some may ask...what happened? I would have to say nothing really, maybe just an epiphany that I have heart issues. Heart issues that have roots so old they are wrapped around my very soul, the roots weren't ripped out when I was a child and so they have grown like a nasty weed like ivy twisting and invading every part of my psyche. These roots, like the ones in our yards, need intentional work to eradicate for without specific attention they will quickly grow back. So how do I get this root out? Painful digging at my core, addressing the cause (once I find it) and then allowing myself to search out support in the journey to why. That is how I will start...
2. This one is tougher than the first as when you bare your soul you are opening yourself up the true ugly parts of who you are. There are things I believe are internal that if others see you that way your truth is out. I was thinking about this as I have had a rough time with someone ( no not a relative!!) and I have been wondering if they see themselves as I see them. The answer has to be no as I wouldn't think they would want to be that person. But maybe with me they don't care...is that true of us all? Are we nice, loving and supportive to those we genuinely care about or who we need something from and don't care about our tone or words to those that have no real purpose in our lives. This is a deep thought for me as I try and connect thought one and this thought together. I would hope I live my life as one that gives warmth, meaning and love to those around me but what if I am not? What then? How do I know?
Not an easy past few weeks but I will keep at it, keep looking for those moments I can dig at that root and those moments when I can sit and truly be introspective of my own words that they bring life and not darkness.
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