A New Year? Not necessarily a New Me.

This time of year we are encouraged...well  almost forced to make resolutions in which we will be better people.  This isn't the only time though, some in the Christian faith use the time before Easter known as Lent to also cleanse their lives of things that they deemed unwanted in their lives.  For me I believe our evaluation of our lives should be done much more regularly and much more deeply.

I have been looking at 2016 in a variety of ways, from a time to remember to a time where I will evaluate not just who I am but why I do the things I do.  I don't believe this is a new thing, but will be something that I just won't do on the surface.  You see this past year my life changed in a number of ways, some by my doing, some by others but all those things I took in and made my own. 

I do believe that most of life is a choice, a choice to accept the good as well as the bad, accept my reactions to the events of others and the choice to change my mind or mood when needed.  Some things can't be changed, but most things should be forgiven in this life.  I have decided to do just that. 

I realize some of my choices have irrevocably changed my relationships with some and for that I am sorry.  Not necessarily sorry for my choice but sorry that they couldn't see the truth of my heart.  Friends that I have had, coworkers that I thought knew me, yes, even relatives, people that should have known my heart but just didn't ask OR they asked but didn't like my answers, my life permanently changed.  I will forever have them in my heart as that is the person I am.  A person that cares deeply, a person that loves without question but also a person who hurts to the core when rejected, ignored and even misunderstood.

I don't think I am alone in this, I believe many people feel the same way and yet so many of us are taught at a young age to push down our feelings to a space that no one else can see and yet we can still feel it.  Festering and bubbling until we break emotionally.  Sometimes that break comes not at the moment we think but at a time that would surprise and shake us to the core.

This is why I am looking at 2016 as a journey not to perfection but a journey that will open my eyes to the truth of my journey.  Because it is my journey to decide where I will go, who will go with me and ultimately what I will cleanse from my life.  Notice I said what I will cleanse, not who.  I believe that the who makes us what we are.  I believe the journey is not about leaving others out or removing them my life but it is about entrusting some with my inner core and others walking alongside them in their journey.  My love runs deep, my love is not conditional and most importantly my love is free.  I believe that is what I have been called to be and that is what I will strive to be in 2016.