Thoughts of the Journey...

We all have to start somewhere right?  But what about starting over?  Starting over doesn't mean that you did something wrong OR that you shouldn't have been where you were, it just means that it is a time that you need to make a right turn, left turn or even a U turn.  I have been thinking about this road trip that I am on.  A trip that I have been voluntarily on and a trip that with all of its peaks and valleys is one that I am grateful for.


But what is next?  Do I have a vision for my future and who shall be in the vision?  As the kids get older and begin to plan their own journeys, I wonder where I will be as well?  I am sure that right now I have a solid relationship with my husband, my faith and my friends.  I have started a job that brings me joy and a fulfillment that I haven't had in years!  I have a reconnection with not only my faith but others that share it.


I am still uncertain about so many things and wish I could get my mind to be settled, my mind not to focus on the end but the here and now.  My mind is a funny thing, I can be in a room full of people that I should feel connected to and yet feel like I am in a pit of sorrow wanting nothing more than to be freed from a shadow of despair.  Bu if I had to put my finger on what was causing the despair I would have not a clue as to what was causing it.  I seek out answers within my heart, within my writings as well as within the Bible.  I can't find solace with many things other than this journey includes this unsettlement.  So for now I shall hold onto this despair knowing that just like many of the roads I have been on it will come to a fork in the road and I will take the right or the left and the despair will go away.  For it is not the despair at all but the trial of going through it that makes me stronger even when I feel weak and utterly helpless!


So as the questions still float all around me and keep me on my toes I must focus on the here and now.  For here I have people that love me, for here I have every comfort a woman could need and here I have fulfillment in my job and home.  And there?  There is where the journey has yet gone and I will attempt to keep the mystery of the journey as well as the anxiety of what is around the corner as something to eagerly await for rather than something I dread as it is the unknown.