Gut wrenching Grief

Today's sermon hit me hard.  I sat there thinking about so many that I have lost, students, friends, relatives and the hardest, relationships.  Throughout life I know that the lives I have lost through death are the ones that I can hang onto knowing that I will see them again.  It is the relationships that for me are the ones create wounds that I pick at over and over and over to the point that even I won't let them scar.
My mind reels with the words I said or the words that I should have said.  Actions that can't be taken back as they are now in the universe.  Actions that if I had to do it again, would I?  I can't relive it and I know we are not supposed to but why does my mind focus on those things?  Is it because I should call and apologize? Should I move on?  I don't know even if that would make things better or if my scars would heal.
At the foundation level I know that all I can do is my best, love others, pray for others and understand that other journeys may be different and that doesn't mean that they are wrong but just that I need to open my eyes and heart to see them more clearly.
Losing others hurts to the core whether it is to death or a loss of relationships.  I challenge myself to look inward to see how I can be better not looking outward to see how others should be.